Sunday, July 27, 2014

A Change of Scenery

If you read my latest post, you know I have been gone on vacation.  I was using it as recuperation & change of scenery to get my body, mind & soul back on track.  I've been a little off kilter for longer than I would like to admit.  In fact, I am not really certain when it started, all I know is I haven't felt like "me" for a long time.  I let it get so bad I fell into depression & spiraled down to where I had no motivation to do anything for myself or even for others.  I felt empty & it was something I never wanted to feel again.

Wow, how two weeks can change that!!!  Especially the last week at the ocean.

I got more exercise than I have gotten in 2-3 years combined from all the swimming, moving our luggage, walking & running with the kids.  It jumped me into getting back into shape & strangely revived my energy (even though I felt I was going to die the first few days).  I got a good cry in (sadly with thanks to my hubby & FIL being crabby) but I needed it so bad, I am sort of grateful for the situation.  I think I was extra sensitive due to all that has happened lately with the past year being so stressful on our marriage, not having the same contact with my family (out of choice but still not fun), having a dear friend pass away from his stage four cancer & other drama....It all came on so fast, especially last month.  I didn't have any time to cry & let it all out.  From church to packing fora trip to my birthday & fixing the issues that came up with the house, there was no time to sit down & let it out.  I stuffed it down & didn't know how to bring it back up.  I had felt my depression (I had successfully started to crawl out of it earlier in June) come back full swing & I was not happy.  SO glad to see what two weeks of change in atmosphere & place can do for a person (plus the added child watchers helped a bunch too)!

I got to go to the beach so many times & really get into the ocean but also spend time seeing my kids experience the sand & the waves.  By the time we left, our 3 year old was no longer scared of the waves, I felt much healthier, & we all left with a sense of being ready to be at home.

So I have now returned with a new vigor to keep things the way I want them to be in my house, but for me (not just for my hubby or my kids or the visitor I hide the clutter from).  I have been reading "The Joy of Being Disorganized" by Pam Young. You can guy the book here by clicking on this:  Joy of Being Disorganized.  Its been a huge help in understanding why my house goes from super clean to horribly messing is such a short time.  I am not done with it yet, so I will not post a book review until I have finished the book.

What joy & peace there was for the whole family to come home to a clean house!  No dishes to run, no items scattered all over & only some laundry to put away along with the items in our suitcase.  It was the first time this has happened before we left on a trip & then returned.  I am usually packing at the last minute & the house is a mess trying to get what I need in the car.  This time I packed starting a week early & left the last minute time for making sure things looked tidy, I didn't forget those last items, & doing a load of dishes.

I was so pleased at the condition of the home, I am frantically trying to get all of our items unpacked this  weekend so I can have a clean main part of the house & bedrooms.  Then, I can work on the half basement & getting homeschooling preparations complete.  Much of the prep for doing homeschooling is done, I mostly have to put the stuff away from my MIL & GIL, shop for some minor craft supplies & finish uniform/clothing shopping this upcoming weekend.

So, my goal is to take things one step at a time & be sure to set a schedule with good pacing for someone creative like me.  I think that is why I am looking forward to home school with my kids....the chance to use my creativity to teach them.  I will have to learn to meter it with house chores during their "quiet time" & naps.

Its been a long time since I felt this way, but I feel motivated & ready to get up & get going with life again.  I pray it will stay this way--that the changes will last.  I want to see my home at peace with joy & cleanliness & order.  I look forward to how this will unfold this year.

I will post pics of the little ones in my next post about my vacation details....I haven't gotten them all uploaded onto my computer yet...until then, enjoy these beach photos!

Friday, July 11, 2014

Time Goes By...

I know, I know....Its been years since I have written a blog here.  I could give you a list of excuses as long as the hallway through my house on why I haven't posted anything:  from extended family drama to having a 2nd kid 18 months after my first one & dealing with all the craziness of just understanding me now as I move completely from being responsible for me to being a mommy responsible day in & out for shaping the minds & actions of two little boys now into toddler-hood full swing.

BUT NO,  let's just say I've been on a leave of absence & maybe over the next months I will take time now to blog my thoughts of all that has transpired...not to get a pity party for me but to show you where I've been & what I have grown towards over the past couple years.

I want to give hope to those who feel beat down by life & even, maybe, by others (sometimes intentional & mostly--I hope--unintentional).  I hope that maybe sharing some of my struggles & successes will help you feel more like you are not alone in how you feel sometimes.  I want you to see you can get through whatever life throws in your face, even if you stumble & fall before you get up & keep going.  We all have those moments in life & we need to accept them, learn life's lesson & keep going a better person than we were before circumstances happen.

Now, before anyone speculates children are both well & healthy, my hubby & I just celebrated 8 yrs of marriage this past May despite the craziness of the past year & we are still living in the same place as we did since my last blog in 2011....all the major stuff hasn't changed or caused the break in my life....mostly its been an emotional journey for me that I must share along the way as I also talk about my day to day life now.

My oldest is moving into being home schooled in preschool this year & he has already voiced some personal goals I hope I can help him achieve including:  understanding how clocks & time works & learning to read.  This are advantageous goals but I don't want to discourage him from it if he really wants to here goes nothing in that area. He already knows his alphabet, some phonics, his numbers to 20, shapes & a few other things....oh & his potty training anniversary is in October!!!  Its amazing how much they learn in the first 3 years of life--it astounds me & amazes me!

My younger little boy is just learning to talk & has been learning quickly how to express wants but not to good at understanding that sometimes expression of what we want doesn't mean its going to happen (like wanting to go "outside" the moment we wake up. Seriously!  Its "Hello, my mommy..........GO OUTSIDE?!").  I think we are 2 of the 3 indicators that potty training will happen soon....just looking for that interest in no longer being in diapers & we are a "go."  

I am still, obviously, a stay at home mom, & mostly loving it (though some days I want to run away screaming, but that's just what life can be like sometimes).  I may not always have a clean house or be the perfect mommy, but I am learning how to succeed in this one day at a time...and that's all I can do, be better the next day.

So, I leave you with this & hope to see that people take something from this.  I will be going on a much needed vacation (more on that when I get back in 2 weeks) so expect to see a new post in a couple of weeks here.

Blessings to all of you & enjoy this life!