Wonderfully Funny Wednesdays

I think we need to have some humor today!  The past several days have been trying but a reawakening to some things that need to be done in my life.  Plus, its been cloudy & rainy the past day or so now.  Need some pick-me-up to get a moving today!

SO let's get on with the jokes for all of us!


Great Directions here for a real clean toilet!!! easy too!!!!
1. Lift both lids on your toilet bowl and add a couple of capfuls of shampoo to the water.
2. Go to the other room where the cat is sleeping, pick it up and soothe it while you carry it towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (You may need to stand on the lid, afterwards). The cat will self agitate and make ample suds.
(Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.)
4. Flush the toilet three or four times.
(This provides a "power-wash" and "rinse")
5. Have someone open the closest door to the outside (Be sure that no one is between the toilet and the outside door.)
6. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
7. The cat will rocket out of the toilet and run outside where it will dry itself. After this procedure, both the toilet and the cat will be sparkling clean!

Sincerely,
The Dog


An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory.He knocks, a real mean and tough looking lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties all over the carpet.He says, "Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don`t do wonders cleaning this up, I`ll eat every chunk of it."She turns to him with a smirk and says, "You want ketchup on that?"The salesman says, "Why do you ask?"She says, "We just moved in and we haven`t got the electricity turned on yet." 


One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?""It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"He yelled back, "University of Auburn."
(courtesy of jokes.db.com)



Rules for Good Housekeeping (Especially for men!)

It is time to clean out the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.

Keep it clean enough for healthy, dirty enough for happy.

Never make fried chicken in the nude.

Do not engage in unarmed combat with a dust bunny big enough to choke the vacuum cleaner.

You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

If guys were suppose to hang clothes up, door knobs would be bigger.

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a       romantic atmosphere.

When writing your name in the dust on the table, omit the date.

College Classes For Men:

1. Introduction to Common Household Objects I: The Mop
2. Introduction to Common Household Objects II: The Sponge
3. Dressing Up: Beyond the Funeral and the Wedding
4. Refrigerator Forensics: Identifying and Removing the Dead
5. Design Pattern or Splatter Stain on the Linoleum? : You CAN Tell the Difference!
6. If It's Empty, You Can Throw It Away: Accepting Loss I
7. If the Milk Expired Three Weeks Ago, Keeping It In the Refrigerator Won't Bring It Back: Accepting
    Loss II
8. Going to the Supermarket: It's Not Just for Women Anymore!
9. Recycling Skills I: Boxes that the Electronics Came In
10. Recycling Skills II: Styrofoam that Came in the Boxes that the Electronics Came In
11. Bathroom Etiquette I: How to Remove Beard Clippings from the Sink
12. Bathroom Etiquette II: Let's Wash Those Towels!
13. Bathroom Etiquette III: Five Easy Ways to Tell When You're About to Run Out of Toilet Paper!
14. Giving Back to the Community: How to Donate 15-Year-Old Levis to the Goodwill
15. Retro? Or Just Hideous? : Re-examining Your 1970s Polyester Shirts
16. No, The Dishes Won't Wash Themselves: Knowing the 4 Limitations of Your Kitchenware
17. Romance: More Than a Cable Channel!
18. Strange But True!: She Really May NOT Care What "Fourth Down and Ten" Means
19. Going Out to Dinner: Beyond the Pizza Hut
20. Expand Your Entertainment Options: Renting Movies That Don't Fall Under the "Action/Adventure" Category or selecting movies that don't star John Wayne on television
21. Yours, Mine, and Ours: Sharing the Remote
22. "I Could Have Played a Better Game Than That!": Why Women Laugh
23. Adventures in Housekeeping I: Let's Clean the Closet
24. Adventures in Housekeeping II: Let's Clean Under the Bed
25. "I Don't Know": Be the First Man to Say It!
26. The Gas Gauge in Your Car: Sometimes Empty MEANS Empty
27. Directions: It's Okay to Ask for Them
28. Listening: It's Not Just Something You Do During Halftime
29. Accepting Your Limitations: Just Because You Have Power Tools Doesn't Mean You Can Fix It
(courtesy of  http://jokes.aspcode.net/housekeeping-jokes.aspx)

Hope this gives you some good giggles & laughs today!  I know it helped me...have a great day & I will post some good tips tomorrow!

Fabulous Fridays!!!

Wowee, Friday is here already!  You should see all the goodies surrounding my kitchen!  I've been taking it slower than I did yesterday.  I'm learning that if you "go, go, go"  multiple days in a row when pregnant, you have to sleep it off for multiple days later too.  So, I am learning the art of taking my time & not trying to be perfect. 

Yes, being a domestic diva doesn't mean you are super-wife or uber-mommy that does everything right when it should be done or is always there to do the absolute perfect thing.  Yes, you get things done when they NEED to get done & you are there at the RIGHT times, but trying to always be "on" stresses you out.  Take time to read that magazine the day it comes in the mail.  Sit down & enjoy your lunch.  Take time to actually play with your child.  Stop & pet your cat or dog and then play with them.  Buy the Pillsbury cookie dough from Sam's club that has no preservatives & keep them on hand for "treats" instead of always making them from scratch (trust me, my hubby is picky & can't even tell the difference)!  Make a good but simple dinner that has everything in one dish--you don't have to cook a gourmet meal every night to be a great wife & mom!  Find time to get back to a favorite hobby or two--just don't go overboard!

The part that makes you a domestic diva is taking the little things & making moments with your family.  Taking the time to let someone know, face to face, that you love them with not only your hard work at home, but with your words & affection.  Its showing others how to take time for themselves by not being involved in every event or church/social outing.  Its knowing when to go out of your way & when to say "NO, I need time for myself or my family."

This is how you have a fabulous life:  Fix what you can change & don't worry about what you can't.  Just be smart enough to think about which is which--some prayer might be useful in this case. Seriously, you don't have to do EVERYTHING & be EVERYTHING.  You should only do & be who & what you are!  If that is not enough for anyone else, then they are bad friends. 

Enjoy your life, don't wish it were different; don't look at the "shoulda, woulda, coulda's" in life--you know, the "what ifs"-- they will burn you in the end because, simply put, they don't matter.  That is not what happened & you can't change it.  You are responsible for finding joy in the things that are happening now.  If you want to feel fabulous most of your life, don't try wishing it were better.  I heard a friend say last week"  "If the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, it means you need to start watering yours more."

Tipful Thursdays

Well, its been a crazy two days prepping for my housewarming on Saturday.  Today has been the craziest.  I've been baking up the wazoo & getting a music party mix together to last the whole time. 

Also, trying to budget this has been fun--ahem.  Actually not that bad;  I just realized that doing almost all of the food prep yourself saves you tons of money.  The price hike just for someone else to do it isn't worth it when you live at home!  So, I've been baking cookies, brownies, special chocolate candy bars, spice cake & making all the chips & veggie dips.  All those cost a fraction of the price if you do it at home & most of us who love to bake or cook will have much of what we already need right at home already with no trip to the store.

I will still have to go to the store for things I don't usually keep around the house like:  pre-made meatballs (those are cheaper bought from sam's club), deli sandwich spirals, lots of nibble veggies for a tray, chips, queso, Beer cases & soda pop,brats, hot dogs, and some other things I ran out of (like onions & sour cream).


When you plan a party, always plan for most of those who RSVP'd yes to show up (including spouses & children), then add five more people to compensate for big eaters.  Here where I live people don't tend to RSVP yes, only what they call "regrets" a.k.a. "I can't come."  It makes it hard to plan on food that way, but I simply figured out to assume that 2/3rds of the people who haven't replied with regrets will probably show up & then I add the five person buffer.  See how that can help.  So, try to not just stock up on a few foods; try to add a wide variety of food, both snacks/appetizers & desserts. That way you aren't making two of the same cake & buying three bags of meatballs & having to constantly track when you need to make more.  This way, the people who come first have the greatest variety & will eat less of everything.  If someone comes right before the party ends, my attitude is: you get what's there. 

One thing I am kind of not too happy about for housewarming parties is the trend of the person holding the party for their new house to provide a gift for those who come...AHEM, you are coming to welcome me to my new house.  I don't expect a huge gift (or any for that matter) but my last housewarming was a bust because of

1) I stated that gifts were not necessary but I still put a registry together if anyone desired to give me a gift so they had an idea on what I needed.  That actually pissed people off & I varied the items on it & gave them three weeks to decide.  People didn't like that expensive stuff was on the registry (there was no way to make a note on items based on priority & little notes to tell people it was just for our reference).  Let's just say I lost friends over this stupid situation.  Hence, this time no registry & I mentioned gifts were not necessary.

2) I found out from a little birdie that people were miffed that I didn't have any "little gift" for those who came.  This completely surprised me.  Usually at parties I throw that are non-housewarming, I've never had a complaint that I didn't give someone anything.  Why is it expected at the one party to celebrate MY moving into a house??  In times past usually the house owners' throwing the party are expecting a gift of welcoming to the community, not the other way around.  I couldn't believe it effected my relationships at church & with some friends.  It wasn't like I didn't have food or drink--I never ran out of anything!  So, this time, I have made tons of chocolate chip cookies to give to people just to not have that happen again. 

This ridiculousness would be like someone getting mad at my baby shower for putting an expensive car seat & rocking chair plus other needed items, that are expensive, on my registry.  How silly would that be??  You NEED a car seat!  You need oodles of clothes for your first baby & toys--you don't have anything!  Also, what if people expected a little gift (other than candy favors) at the party.  I mean I looked at housewarming tips & they suggested giving everyone a candle or usable favor...DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT WOULD COST??!!  My entire budget for the whole party just for favors such as these! 

OK, I'm done venting.  I just am trying understand an age where staying at home is ridiculed & people who you host expect more than the money you spent to feed them & give them drink.  They want to take something home with them!  I don't think I've ever received one hostess gift once since I got married & starting entertaining.  Something I was taught as polite to do; considering the host/hostess probably dropped over $100+ to feed everyone that attends.  It makes me not want to host anymore large parties--only parties where close friends attend.  Mostly due to the fact I know they don't expect anything past the good food & time together.

So,  tips for you for when you host a huge party: 
1) Have favors for both adults & kids to avoid any offense (dollar tree or making cookies works cheaply)-if you can afford it.  If not, don't do it & I would encourage upset looking people to enjoy all the food you worked hard to put together for them (I have no other advice for that--of someone else does--leave a comment!)
2) Make sure you have enough food.  Use my handy guide above to figure that mystery out

3) Don't make give giving to you required unless its a baby shower or wedding shower (that should be obvious).

Tips for you if you are going to a party: 

1)Let's bring back etiquette:  thank the host/hostess for their hospitality, whether or not you get something from them. 

2) Don't get offended if they have not given a"little something" for you to take home, be glad for the great food-remind yourself how much it cost just for something to eat while you are there!

3) Bring a little something for the host/hostess-you are getting FREE FOOD & DRINK that they spent their hard-earned money on--the least you can do is bring a little something to show you appreciate their hospitable entertaining;

4) Encourage others to have manners--if you hear someone commenting on how there isn't a little "gift" for them or about any of the food.  Kindly stand up for the host/hostess & remind them that, in this economy, it already costs a lot to feed this many people.  Remind them kindly that they are getting a free meal out this & nothing was given to the entertaining host/hostess in return from them.  Just remember to be tactful to both the person complaining & the hostess--meaning keep it low key & don't let others hear the conversation.


I'm really not too upset about any of this happening.  I sometimes wonder if it was the geographical location & attitude of the people there in general (it wasn't the only weird quirky thing that happened while we lived there).  So, I'm hoping this Saturday's party goes better & praying that a good amount of people show up.  That's another problem I have--people decided they are coming & then don't show up:  PLEASE COME, even if its for a few minutes.  That's polite & also being a man/woman of your word.  Things come up, but realizing that you want to go somewhere else more than this party is rude & you should go to both equally or go to the one you said yes to first.  LOL....you would think that would be a simple one.  I've had many a party deflate because no one showed up that said they would (except for close friends).  My goal: to teach my children proper etiquette about life, so they may be gentlemen & ladies.  Its becoming rare these days!  I can't wait for all the fun though;  regardless I get to hang out with friends  & eat the things I have made as well (YUM!)...I will make the best of it no matter what happens.  My part is to let any offense roll off my back as the hostess!

I think that's all I have to blog about for now...if you have any ideas or anything you would like to see about parties either stay the same or change, feel free to leave a comment below!

Have a great Thursday & remember to enjoy today!

Quoteable Tuesdays

Woah ladies....I have a post today!  I feel great...its amazing what a little quiet time & refreshing of life can do to you!  Never go without checking out your life & marriage for as long as I did.  Either it will lead to a very unsatisfied life or, even worse, divorce.  I'm already feeling much better than I expected.

So, its time for some quotes.  I will put in some for those of us who are (or are about to be) mothers & those who are "empty nested" or yet to be blessed with a little one!

 A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bankroll smaller, home happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for.
 Anonymous

A baby is God's opinion that life should go on
 Carl Sandburg

  “A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.”
   Jerry Seinfeld

Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body.
Elizabeth Stone

If one feels the need of something grand, something infinite, something that makes one feel aware of God, one need not go far to find it. I think that I see something deeper, more infinite, more eternal than the ocean in the expression of the eyes of a little baby when it wakes in the morning and coos or laughs because it sees the sun shining on its cradle.
Vincent van Gogh

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.”
  Charles R. Swindoll    

Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live.
 Anonymous 

“Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.”
  Ashley Smith

“If you wait to do everything until you're sure it's right, you'll probably never do much of anything.”
  Win Borden

So there you go!  Hope these make you laugh & also make you think!  I hope to continue to give you all a little more this week.  Remember to live your life with meaning & never let the clouds you see allow you to forget the sunshine that's ready to break through behind them after the storm has passed!

Monday Madness

Geesh, getting back into the swing of things is hard when you overdo it one weekend!  Which reminds me:  DON"T DO THIS TO YOURSELF!!!   I'm learning about pacing myself to get things done.  Don't try to do all your chores in one day.  If you forget one...well, try to fit it in with the next days chores but don't try to fit in two days worth of chores into one day!  Spread it out!  This applies to being pregnant & also normal times.  Pushing yourself leaves you energy-less later on. 

I'm learning from experience here!  Every time I skip out on sleep or try to do to much, I pay for it the next few days! 


I'm also learning the importance of quiet time with yourself & keeping your thoughts in check.  I have recently been ignoring what I need emotionally from my marriage partner--for two years now (since all heck broke loose for us).  This has led to misconceived ideas about whether or not I am loved or appreciated by my spouse because I didn't tell him how I was feeling & what was going on inside of me.  I finally let it all out this weekend after having another burst of anger & frustration from pent up emotions.  The feelings I was having of not being loved & not being a priority emotionally (you know, tone of voice, seeing your spouse be happy to see you, not having a spouse avoid you) were making it hard to get a good perspective.  It was already pent up inside to the point I was wishing I wasn't married & now wondering why in heck I was going to be a mommy bringing a kid into this.  NOT a good thing to be feeling.  This made my hubby's quirks seem more unbearable because not only am I feeling long term emotional negatives, but now he's slacking in my mind--whether or not it was deliberate--it just added to the continual pent up feelings I was holding in--which made me explode easier.  So, I finally got out the truth during a fight.  We then talked it through the next day or so.  Now, we are working out what we can do to get back on track.

I realized that I was falling into being negative too much as well--see it wasn't just his fault--which makes for resentment & lack of interest in me.  So, I am making an effort to read the Bible & tell myself positive things to help combat all the yucky negativeness that has seeped in...really, I don't have a horrible life.  I have amazing things going on & now with my hubby & I working out our feelings & issues, it should get better.  We need to not get into a rut again like we allowed ourselves to seep into.  It wasn't an overnight thing--it took time for us to slowly get to where we were at.

Its a good thing to work through these things & I notice that all successful marriages get through these times & come out stronger on the other side.  Though this weekend ended up being tiring for me emotionally.  I hope we continue to work at our marriage.  Its important to feel important & to keep your emotions in check.  Feeling good is what motivates us to do the best we can!  So, I will remind myself of the good so I can continue to be a good housewife!

I pray that we will remember this weekend as a changing point for us & now maybe I can truly get into a routine again & not feel so down!!