Monday, October 4, 2010

Monday Madness

Geesh, getting back into the swing of things is hard when you overdo it one weekend!  Which reminds me:  DON"T DO THIS TO YOURSELF!!!   I'm learning about pacing myself to get things done.  Don't try to do all your chores in one day.  If you forget one...well, try to fit it in with the next days chores but don't try to fit in two days worth of chores into one day!  Spread it out!  This applies to being pregnant & also normal times.  Pushing yourself leaves you energy-less later on. 

I'm learning from experience here!  Every time I skip out on sleep or try to do to much, I pay for it the next few days! 

I'm also learning the importance of quiet time with yourself & keeping your thoughts in check.  I have recently been ignoring what I need emotionally from my marriage partner--for two years now (since all heck broke loose for us).  This has led to misconceived ideas about whether or not I am loved or appreciated by my spouse because I didn't tell him how I was feeling & what was going on inside of me.  I finally let it all out this weekend after having another burst of anger & frustration from pent up emotions.  The feelings I was having of not being loved & not being a priority emotionally (you know, tone of voice, seeing your spouse be happy to see you, not having a spouse avoid you) were making it hard to get a good perspective.  It was already pent up inside to the point I was wishing I wasn't married & now wondering why in heck I was going to be a mommy bringing a kid into this.  NOT a good thing to be feeling.  This made my hubby's quirks seem more unbearable because not only am I feeling long term emotional negatives, but now he's slacking in my mind--whether or not it was deliberate--it just added to the continual pent up feelings I was holding in--which made me explode easier.  So, I finally got out the truth during a fight.  We then talked it through the next day or so.  Now, we are working out what we can do to get back on track.

I realized that I was falling into being negative too much as well--see it wasn't just his fault--which makes for resentment & lack of interest in me.  So, I am making an effort to read the Bible & tell myself positive things to help combat all the yucky negativeness that has seeped in...really, I don't have a horrible life.  I have amazing things going on & now with my hubby & I working out our feelings & issues, it should get better.  We need to not get into a rut again like we allowed ourselves to seep into.  It wasn't an overnight thing--it took time for us to slowly get to where we were at.

Its a good thing to work through these things & I notice that all successful marriages get through these times & come out stronger on the other side.  Though this weekend ended up being tiring for me emotionally.  I hope we continue to work at our marriage.  Its important to feel important & to keep your emotions in check.  Feeling good is what motivates us to do the best we can!  So, I will remind myself of the good so I can continue to be a good housewife!

I pray that we will remember this weekend as a changing point for us & now maybe I can truly get into a routine again & not feel so down!!