Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Wonderfully Funny Wednesdays

I think we need to have some humor today!  The past several days have been trying but a reawakening to some things that need to be done in my life.  Plus, its been cloudy & rainy the past day or so now.  Need some pick-me-up to get a moving today!

SO let's get on with the jokes for all of us!


Great Directions here for a real clean toilet!!! easy too!!!!
1. Lift both lids on your toilet bowl and add a couple of capfuls of shampoo to the water.
2. Go to the other room where the cat is sleeping, pick it up and soothe it while you carry it towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (You may need to stand on the lid, afterwards). The cat will self agitate and make ample suds.
(Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.)
4. Flush the toilet three or four times.
(This provides a "power-wash" and "rinse")
5. Have someone open the closest door to the outside (Be sure that no one is between the toilet and the outside door.)
6. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
7. The cat will rocket out of the toilet and run outside where it will dry itself. After this procedure, both the toilet and the cat will be sparkling clean!

Sincerely,
The Dog


An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory.He knocks, a real mean and tough looking lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties all over the carpet.He says, "Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don`t do wonders cleaning this up, I`ll eat every chunk of it."She turns to him with a smirk and says, "You want ketchup on that?"The salesman says, "Why do you ask?"She says, "We just moved in and we haven`t got the electricity turned on yet." 


One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?""It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"He yelled back, "University of Auburn."
(courtesy of jokes.db.com)



Rules for Good Housekeeping (Especially for men!)

  • It is time to clean out the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.

  • Keep it clean enough for healthy, dirty enough for happy.

  • Never make fried chicken in the nude.

  • Do not engage in unarmed combat with a dust bunny big enough to choke the vacuum cleaner.

  • You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

  • If guys were suppose to hang clothes up, door knobs would be bigger.

  • My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

  • Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

  • Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a       romantic atmosphere.

  • When writing your name in the dust on the table, omit the date.




  • College Classes For Men:

    1. Introduction to Common Household Objects I: The Mop
    2. Introduction to Common Household Objects II: The Sponge
    3. Dressing Up: Beyond the Funeral and the Wedding
    4. Refrigerator Forensics: Identifying and Removing the Dead
    5. Design Pattern or Splatter Stain on the Linoleum? : You CAN Tell the Difference!
    6. If It's Empty, You Can Throw It Away: Accepting Loss I
    7. If the Milk Expired Three Weeks Ago, Keeping It In the Refrigerator Won't Bring It Back: Accepting
        Loss II
    8. Going to the Supermarket: It's Not Just for Women Anymore!
    9. Recycling Skills I: Boxes that the Electronics Came In
    10. Recycling Skills II: Styrofoam that Came in the Boxes that the Electronics Came In
    11. Bathroom Etiquette I: How to Remove Beard Clippings from the Sink
    12. Bathroom Etiquette II: Let's Wash Those Towels!
    13. Bathroom Etiquette III: Five Easy Ways to Tell When You're About to Run Out of Toilet Paper!
    14. Giving Back to the Community: How to Donate 15-Year-Old Levis to the Goodwill
    15. Retro? Or Just Hideous? : Re-examining Your 1970s Polyester Shirts
    16. No, The Dishes Won't Wash Themselves: Knowing the 4 Limitations of Your Kitchenware
    17. Romance: More Than a Cable Channel!
    18. Strange But True!: She Really May NOT Care What "Fourth Down and Ten" Means
    19. Going Out to Dinner: Beyond the Pizza Hut
    20. Expand Your Entertainment Options: Renting Movies That Don't Fall Under the "Action/Adventure" Category or selecting movies that don't star John Wayne on television
    21. Yours, Mine, and Ours: Sharing the Remote
    22. "I Could Have Played a Better Game Than That!": Why Women Laugh
    23. Adventures in Housekeeping I: Let's Clean the Closet
    24. Adventures in Housekeeping II: Let's Clean Under the Bed
    25. "I Don't Know": Be the First Man to Say It!
    26. The Gas Gauge in Your Car: Sometimes Empty MEANS Empty
    27. Directions: It's Okay to Ask for Them
    28. Listening: It's Not Just Something You Do During Halftime
    29. Accepting Your Limitations: Just Because You Have Power Tools Doesn't Mean You Can Fix It
    (courtesy of  http://jokes.aspcode.net/housekeeping-jokes.aspx)

    Hope this gives you some good giggles & laughs today!  I know it helped me...have a great day & I will post some good tips tomorrow!